Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
