we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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