She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He shit in the fireplace
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
