I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
