NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
