i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
