The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
