Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
