grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
