I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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