I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
