is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
