i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
