friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
