Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
