At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
