it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
