so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
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its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
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The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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