Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
