There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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