If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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