He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
