She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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