So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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