I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
