is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
