I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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