The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
