if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
bring money and cleavage
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
