i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
