i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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