im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
