I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize