awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
