well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
