Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
