i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
