Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
