The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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