I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
