Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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