Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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