I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
