You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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