Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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