So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
