When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
All the doctor said was why
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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