ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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