i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
These tits shall not be calmed
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
