Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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