oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
