There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
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Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
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Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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