Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
