This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
