I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
