drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
