I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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