I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
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The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
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That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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