God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
