my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
