Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
