I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
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the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
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At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize