Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
