i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
