is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
