are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
