those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
