Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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