Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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